Buckled up for Christmas!

Jingle bells again! Much awaited time of the year, enjoying Christmas and hoping for a brand new year which brings us good new things and a journey of 12 months staring at us, no smiling at us, it should be :) Even if it turns scary, we should always hope for the best :P

Homes would start smelling sweet wine, pastries, cinnamon rolls, freshly baked breads, casseroles, and the showstopper, the plum cake. Not all,  that's my expectation of my home ;) just like an English story, isn't it. I don't think a Malayali would have a Christmas without plum cake.  For me everything is good if explained in food terminology, and of course the main objective of this vacation being that. I have a huge list planned this time too, a little English, French and Mexican aligned. Also, my one year old is waiting there, and I am also longing to see her. Don't think too much; Its not that you think. I wasn't carrying a baby 1 yr back :) I am talking about my 1year old wine, I made her last holiday season :)

Christmas memories are very few for me as a kid, as I am from an orthodox Hindu family. That is what it is  said to be, but I never obeyed any. The thing is I wont entertain anything that's imposed to me. For me everything should come naturally,  I should feel something interesting about things I do. So my only memories as a kid are that of the stars each year and the store bought Plum cake. I am not a big fan of plum cakes then, most of it was going to the Gemini 's belly and she enjoys the fact that I disliked it, as she has no competition.That time I had a wrong impression about liquor that it is poison and plum cakes use to have that. So I was under impression, if I take that I would die. And my sister was a story teller too, she makes stories to make me believe, and I, the fool believed everything she said and gives away almost every goodies I used to get :P May be I am grown up like that, now too I like to give away things to others even if its special for me, and enjoyed when the other person is happy. Oh see! How nice I am no.


I still remember the Pink star my Achan brought for one Christmas. I am so much obsessed about pink from then, you know, so romantic me :) I used to switch off all lights and stare at it as long as I can, till my eyes catches the sleep and falls asleep there and my Achan used to carry me. Ohh, that was one of the best parts being a kid and I pretended to be asleep lot of times for this :P The pink star, my favorite, had small holes as design and silver linings and I use feel like I am in a fairy tale, when those rays falls into my face. That time I had no clue of disco lights, otherwise would have imagined myself in Disco :P Thank God, I was not aware ;) 

The trend has changed during my graduation days where I was also becoming a part of this wonderful day, and always looked forward for this day to spend with my close friends. There was a rule set within our team, yeah the triplets. Onam at my home and Christmas at Jee's home. We three had the best of our days during those 4 years. Even in the small fights between each other, I am damn sure we 3 wont have such a time ever in our life. Life was enjoyed fullest. Jee I still remember the special dishes prepared for us, your special guests that day and we used to spend the whole day puling legs, and even making fun of others. Anything we were doing together were awesome! nnno other word to explain.

Deviation: Jee  and Sindu used to tell me I am like my mom when it comes to feeding guests. Finally they end up eating till nose tip :P Hmm, So now I know why I put down 5 kgs in Bangalore. Going home, the only scariest thought is, putting on weight. But I think we should never get regretted about it, coz family time really matters, and should feel lucky how craving they are making us by making those special , tasty food.

So once I got into the job, to the Christmas memories went on getting added by a ton of experiences and still getting adding on. Now that I have a little boy at home, who is brought up in a way to enjoy every single occasion, he waits eagerly for this time, to set up the tree, the Chrismas lunch and dinner, and going out with us. For many years now, we are celebrating Christmas as it needs to be, going to church (just the visit, not the mass part) and food part especially. I don't have any restrictions when its food, any occasion calls for it, I am ready ;) Then it was Christmas gifts from company, Christmas outings, cubicle decorations, me as Shanti claus :P (Idea by Meghz) and acted by me :P, so tons and tons of that. I still have one Christmas gift given by my old company, a clutch purse, which is 7 year old now, and almost started to tore, and I replaced it with a new one. Don't know why, it was so much close to heart, that I don't wanted to let it go. Yup, I have a problem of getting emotionally attached to some materials too, and I feel like it too feels the same when I leave it behind. Crazy isn't it  :D

This year I am looking forward for my friends gang to come down to my home, 2 gangs planned now, and my family gang obviously should be treated separately and specially. I have already prepared the Spread plan for all the meals and its that I just need to try out. I am having new additions in my menu, which I am trying out for first time, and a little tensed, whether it comes out good or not. Anyway cooking is something I greatly enjoy and kitchen being my amusement park, there is room for all adventures, unless someone gets harmed by my food :P

So now you know I am having different sessions of party for each of my gangs, and obviously the dishes multiplied. If everything comes out good, as I expected it to be, you can see live updates in my FB. Not only that, the hangouts with friends, family, everything sort of would be my new statuses, everyday. I know you guys will curse me, to stuff your FB with my updates. Sorry guys! I am a spoiled kid who used to make lot of noise. I was the noisy one at home and among friends and my gang would be reverse of me. Because other noisy one cannot handle me :P I always wish to enjoy loudly with my close ones, to scream out and tell everyone I know what I am doing and how I am doing, Yes so loudly! Dirty minds, No pun intended! Ha, even some people doesn't seem to care how good I am keeping, as their friend, I have the responsibility to tell them ,how I am doing.

This is a much advanced wish, but cannot avoid it in this post, as its the main subject;

"Wishing everyone out there a very Happy Christmas and a New Year full of hopes and dreams coming true!"

And my wish and prayer to God is to have all of my friends and family to be part of my life, every Christmas as joyful as now is, now and then, and keeping the bond growing stronger by each year.

A new day has come!

So the weekend started as usual with the morning walk, listening to one of my favorites, "latoo, uspe latoo, from film Gajani". This song has given a very positive vibe, even though the context of song is different. Ahem! I know. The vibe I got today was completely on my work, everything on career. Surprising isn't it. Yeah! I too don't understand the enigma in me sometimes :P So I think, it has something to do with my last night horoscope reading too and not only the song. Ok, so I was doing everything work, after finishing off my usual weekend chores, may be because my mind was already set for working today earlier. Today the difference being, work getting priority "one" among my passions and others just set aside. I was finishing up some of my pending work at office, then updating all my career related stuffs, my linkedin profiles, finding new motto at work, and the list goes on. I felt like I need to keep updated about me in every way I can. Finding a new reason for life each day, may be. Usual stuffs won't excite me! Lol. 

Now I am getting bulk of thoughts to write a career post, and this experience is first time, and its not about me alone. Its about helping everyone around through my thoughts. There is no proof on my motto or quotes I am going to write, but I know how it helped me to carve myself.  I do feel some sort of enjoyment when I am drafting those, a sense of satisfaction that these can be useful to someone else. May be God has planned a role for me to motivate other people and that's why I am having such thoughts now. Ha, finding a reason for whatever I do ;) 

Once, a friend of mine told me, "If you can motivate a person and make his life better, that is the best thing you can do to this world, to your fellow companions. If you think I really helped you to improve as a person, you have that responsibility too with others". It was a simple statement when he said that to me, but it really makes sense to me now. Now I have a broader perspective to life; It's not only me, I have responsibility to everyone around too. So, you can expect work related posts from me in near future, if the mode is still on; something which can motivate you, love your job, making workplace a better place; which is different from my usual romantic, dreamy ones. So I am all ready, geared up with a heavy dinner with fruits, crackers and yogurt as company to pen down my thoughts. As it is work related, I don't chose to have fancy diction and want to keep it simple for everyone.

P.S: Those who like to read my usual romantic stuffs, don't worry. I am not going to stop that. My modes are numerous and it is like cycling over and over, one after the other. The switch of modes can happen any time. The Air sign I am :)  The reason behind, many people finding it difficult to understand me, a very few does :P

Yes, I stole the lyric of my favorite song, for my title. This song helped me whenever I was shattered, and helped me get back strong again. Thanks to Celine Dion!

A Banana Story :P

The writer in me is awake after the pleasantly rich Saturday evening nap and a refreshing dinner. After sprucing up my house, I thought to sit back and write something. May be I am in a path to get a secret fan of mine this way ;) I have thousands of topics popping out in my mind as always, but no! today I decided not to bore my friends with long paragraphs of jargon. Always I start with this intention in mind, but it happens, as when I start talking, here also I go endlessly.


My refreshing dinner 😊

Today I want to just share my experience on my first trial to make a "Banana payasam" and the reason behind. What would you do with slightly over ripe bananas, and you are a banana hater. Yes, we do have lot of options, but this was something promised to a real foodie, and if it keeps good till Monday morning, she is lucky. So just now I am done with that, and it is piping hot. The recipe can be found in Happy Tummy. So today's banana payasam is just for you girl! The first scoop goes to its cook though, its me :) not because I am a great fan of payasam's, but its part of cooking ethics. Since I am a passionate cook, I don't want myself to deviate from any of the ethics of cooking and used to keep a tab on whatever I am aware of. So in software terms, it is unit testing done by developer, before releasing to user acceptance ;)


Final product

Scoop for the developer ;)

When I was leaving Infosys, I had a promise in my mind that I wont make friends anymore, and already I have a quality circle to be proud of, apart from minor hitches here and there. Leaving my friends was so heart breaking, that I decided not to making friends anymore and do not wanted to let me down again. But we wont be able to stop overselves with some people. When I first saw her, with a heavy american accent and in business formals, I thought I would never even talk to this girl. But she surprised me, and I was wrong. Each day, I could see a reflection of mine in her, a strong and open minded person. One example to quote, In one of the meetings she was explaining about people and how important is to have people around for her, and I was telling myself then, oh! she is so me! Then we realized, we are of the same type because we have our signs common feature being an air sign. Ha, air signs are loving, open minded, easily gets swift away by people as they trust everyone to be open minded like them, but strong enough as a hurricane to swift away the whole in you, if they really wish to drench you.


Something which I always wanted to share, now that I am having a mention about my cooking, I thought will put it down here. Many of my friends asked, why I am not starting a food blog, as I am having a site with my recipes and food photos. I was giving them different reasons each time, but the real reason is that, I see it in a different way, that I am not matured enough in cooking to start one. Food blogging is as such a "big job". It takes a lot of pain and effort to maintain a blog for food and formerly said ethics of cooking should be very seriously thought about and obeyed. For me cooking is my passion and I am still an amateur cook, and so much passionate that I wont do anything that can go wrong about food, and I have to go a long way to reach a blogger level. If sometime in my life, if I am getting so bored with my current work, I may take a chance on exploring it. The problem with me is that, I have multiple parallel passions, and haven't found anything yet, which I would be finally settling down. I have the same feeling when my design works and see end result and the one when I see my food I cooked turning out awesome.  Not only these two, there is a big list to dig from ;) So for now I am planning to go with the flow.


Coming back to my post title, 'You know, my titles wont have anything to do with what I am talking about finally" :P

Atleast in pics :D

Recharged or Enlightened mode ;) ;)

So first I thought to name this post as random musings,  but then could find that my every post is sort of that one. So today again lot of thoughts came to my mind and I was feeling tempted to write it down. You know the airy Libra mind cannot keep quiet at all. Even when staring at you, there would be a complete algorithm getting executed in her mind.  So beware ;) Someone similar is Gemini, another air born, and like a twin to Libra. I will have more on this on my upcoming posts.

Ha, the usual deviations from topic sort of thing, yes its here too. Please excuse :D

Today while walking alone through the streets, which is part of my weekend fitness,  I was thinking about myself, and how much I have improved as a person from what I used to be before.  I was so weak like a flower, which gets torn away in a small push of wind.  Today I am strong enough to make me feel proud of myself. I do break down and cry a lot, I ever wonder my talent to come out if it soon myself.  The motto I have in such situations helped me a lot.  "If people left, let them, and if they stayed let them.  I don't feel guilty or regretted , as when they were part of my life, my love had not even a slightest dishonesty. If they failed to understand me or of they don't care,  they don't deserve my trust and love and of course they couldn't afford the precious one".

That's the reason,  if you ask who is my model person,  I would say none, even though I  have inspired from many,  I never set a goal comparing myself with another person.  All I wanted to be is a better person than myself ,  as I said,  here I am reiterating.

One of my friends once said, "Swathy,  you are a Gem! that everyone desired to be their's,  but you are so precious that they couldn't afford, Yes my love is one of a kind and those who got it are damn damn lucky :)

I have got mixed reviews about myself, from people about me and everything I embraced as a chance, for me to improve day by day.  Even the negative comments I accepted,  even though I was feeling a little irritated listening to it first. Yes its human to have both sides. But I worked hard on my negatives and I can see the change reflected.  I don't mean I am a perfect person now,  truth being I am no where perfect,  but every day I am trying to become a better person of myself the day before. One of such comments I got is I will take the lead always, not giving chances to people with me and tries to show off. I wonder, do they mean I am a flaunt ;) No pun intended please! Of course I will take the helm, if I feel my flock doesn't have the capability to take up the driving seat yet. Otherwise I would be so glad to take a nice nap in one of the couchy seats behind, if I can trust my driver ;)


But some people were so focused in putting me down, purportedly, that they just wanted to prove me bad and envied whatever I was able to do even after going through all storms in my life which they can never even think of. Or they would be too egoistical about themselves, that they see problem in what others do. Ha the noxious ones in my life!! Even if I realized their hidden agenda too late, I don't give a dang about it anymore.

Something caught my mind just now while writing, don't know its somewhat related and thought of penning down. Most guys make use of this funny statement, that women would always have problem with another woman. Yeah, we laughed at the fun behind it. But that's not the truth. I have lot of quality friends who are women, who were not having any misery to show how much they appreciate me. Likewise, I do appreciate people with quality. Here the respect is not given, its something like earned by their character. So its not about being a man or woman is the problem, the problem is how open minded they are, how much world they know and the maturity factor definitely matters.

And my thoughts are back to the people in my life those left,  those remains and those are yet to come, and of course those I left back. The last one was the hardest one,  as you know a Libra is a true lover and they allow someone to get into their heart after lot of logical analysis and tests. Even after those, this Libra has failed to find the reality of some people and get to know about them at a very later stage. I gave lot of chances to prove they are right,  in fact to prove I was right about them, Alas! It didn't help sometimes too.  But once it's out of mind , it's like done and dusted.

I don't hate any people or get jealous at anyone, even the ones who left me or who put me into trouble situations, coz I know to love only and I don't want to hurt anyone else. Being a human I would had done things that would have made people hurt,  but nothing intentional.  I never have a motive to  hurt people because I respect people for who they are. But I gained a few enemies also while I was building my allies, the reason being I don't sugar coat,  and it's same with anyone.  I like to tell things to face, not stabbing from back. So if I stopped a relation with someone,  it is for both of our's well being, as finding each other the darkest sides a number of times, won't bring any positive energy at all. Even if people try to drag me to petty issues, which is their way to let down a person,  Libra is all about class and standard,  there is no space for lowbrow gestures anywhere.

For those who stayed with me, I am happy that they accepted me with all my flaws,  got through my tantrums and after everything they have a heart to still love and care for me. And all those who left me I am happy that they showed me the different side of this world , everything in this world can't be trusted. And for those who keeps a grudge on me still, the apprehensive chunk of people,  even in my unawareness, I m glad that, for the stones you are throwing at me, God is loving me more and more,  by making me better each day.

I used to say, my friends are my assets, Should I amend the statement? Haha, that's very true, some of them turned out to be liabilities though.  JUST KIDDING.  Being an MBA student you can expect these :P Some have been life changers, whatever be finally it turned out to be good for me.  So to all those who have been once close to me or the ones still close to me and the ones yet to come, you were or are part of this Libra girl for a long spell or short,  you all will be always in my thoughts and prayers and those who left don't worry, even though you won't be in my prayers, you won't be in my curse too.   

One night at airport!

So I am all excited to fly to my home land for diwali, Baking, frying and splurging to enjoy the festival of lights and sweets. Yes, Kerala is not sort of a place where Diwali is celebrated 'dhoom dhaam', as diwali is mostly said to be a north Indian festival or except Kerala type of festival, though we do have the fireworks and crackers at home, and some traditional snacks and sweets.

Diwali was always fun with my husband's family, and always looked forward to spend diwali time with them. The reason is growing up as we were 2 girls, our achan made sure none of the crackers are bought at home and we were just getting the so called 'poothiri', which has a stick we can hold and we used to twirl it. Those days we did enjoy that too, as that was the only option available. Amma used to prepare sweets of Kerala style and there would be non veg for sure, which was another attraction. Other than these I don't have much fond memories about it.

I had the real excitement of diwali after our wedding or after I have started my career.  Now I am having friends from different places, I am getting to know the wide variety of culture and festivals, and trying not to miss any one of it and enjoy to the peak of it. I am a person always welcoming positive things, so whatever brings happiness and togetherness, we shouldn't miss. My husband's family have a male domination (population wise) ;) in our generation and the girls (only 2) also were brought up in that way that they don't care about anything. I was all surprised to see girls dealing with crackers the first time I saw, as till that age me and my sister was having the experience twirling the poothiri alone ;)  These guys brings all the types of fireworks, even they would have brought bombs if those were allowed :)

I am more attached to his cousins than he himself to them, so it was real fun and I never missed any such occasions with them. I remember, the first diwali at his home was so noisy, they started with usual stuffs as in my home and then with rockets, chain crackers and all. I was carrying Gauthu, 2 months then, and I was wondering my baby would jump out hearing this noise. Gauthu's movements started at a very early stage, so if it was 3 months or so, he would have been dancing in this noise. Because every check up my doctor used to tell me, your baby is going to be a football player. Seems he was so restless (like his dad ;) ) and wanted to come out to the world soon ;)

So coming back to my actual story here, I went a long while with Diwali memories. So this time too I am very much looking forward for the diwali at his home from the time he told he and his cousins have bought a ton of them. Also I am so excited about the family time, to see my parents and sissy (& family) and to cook and feed my dear ones till my mind feels satisfied and dress up in diwali dress and flowers. This time I have another plan to make bengali sweets for diwali , so its like doing everything that I was controlling here for sometime. Because of all these I was very impatient while booking for the flight and I just wanted to get a ticket confirmed whatever the time be. It is festive season and options were very few or ticket rate very huge. So finally, I am here as it is a late night flight, the night in airport, not able to sleep and doing stuffs that can keep me occupied.

As usual my favorite passtime is talking, I don't find any one to be victim of my talkamania here at this time and thought, blog is my only go to place for now. The airport is very crowded like a normal hour and I am enjoying my sandwich and yogurt, counting each minute in the clock.


Selfie mania and foodieess :)

 

The Heart - Brain Mapping!

I still remember the way the concept of Heart-Brain mapping has caught my mind. The name sounds to be so medical to you guys, but reading through it will make you understand it is as simple as any other feeling of mine :P  So this caught my dreams late night and I was so disturbed to continue my sleep and my thoughts went back to find more about this. Now people would be thinking, this girl doesn't sleep! All her posts are sort of late night dreams blocking her sleep. Haha, yeah! I am so much addicted to sleep, but sort of Insomniac too! Now it sounds to be like Enrique's track :P

So let me tell you, the Heart - Brain mapping is everything to do with a persons mental ability to memorize things. Sounds crazy isn't it. Yes I too felt I am going crazy of multiple thought processes in my mind and because of my stressful work. But giving a close look at it, I could see that there is something which these two has to do in memorizing things. 

I went to a flashback of memories of myself and every person I closely know. So what makes people to remember something. We know growing up what all we learned, do we memorize all? No, but somethings, which can be so irrelevant to others, we still remember. The smell of the first rain gives us the memory of a special feeling, some weather conditions drives us back to a long lost memory. 

I did scrutinizing and could find there is a strong relation with heart and brain which helps us remember things. Brain wont forget those things that Heart wants to hold on to. That can be partially correct, because there are two types of memories, one is forced one and other is voluntary ones. 

My topic here is mainly on the voluntary ones. I still remember, the next day of this dream I was explaining this to one of my friends, and he laughed at me and said, crazy stuffs you have every time in your head. I too laughed with him, but given him a promise that I will do a thesis on it.  Now, I don't see a far possibility of doing a thesis about it, but later on in my life I want to go back on my thoughts about this, and found it would be good to pen down here. So my friend, you laughed at me and it challenged me somewhat. I am always up for challenges, sometimes I have a bad habit of go dare to do anything in the sake of challenge, don't ever challenge this Libra! Its another big topic in my list, which I will write someday later :)

Coming back to our topic, the main reason for this thought is, how people remember their loved one's birthdays. It was such a simple thought which made me think through this.  And I found the reason to be the heart. Our loved ones are said to have a special position in Heart chambers. each chamber would have their name written and safely locked so that one wont go and vitiate others :P. Jokes apart, the truth is we have different chambers and different position assigned to each of our close ones. So basically our heart has a RAM, prioritization algorithm and schedulers which manages all. So about birthdays, the heart would send impulse to brain to remember the days of each of the person holding in its chambers. The reason behind is the Heart wants to cherish the memories of all its cell members and their special days and needs to reiterate through it on their special days. 

Do you know giving a gift or wishing a close one is a way we think we are doing for making the other person happy. But I feel it a different way, and I think that's true with everyone. Why do we want to make the other person happy, why do we want them to feel special? implicitly we are gaining happiness through that. So we are bound to do things that makes us happy, and our heart satisfied. So more than making the other person happy, its your happiness that makes you take a step to wish your loved one. Is that true love? Seeing them happy is a way to make me happy? Yes, sort of. To clarify, don't narrow your thoughts when I say true love. True love is there is every relation which has honesty and caring.

I know you guys would be still thinking, what madness is this. Some people of my line of thought would understand this madness though :) Lets see, if I am in anytime going ahead with the thesis of this subject, if someone so crazy like me accepts this subject for a research, I can come back with a proof and attach that with this post :)

So now friends, those who likes to dream and are romantic like me, give it a thought, really heart controls the brain to remember things right? And the reason why all that algebra and calculus is far pushed away from our brain and the first things with our loved ones even the slightest conversations, are still reiterated over the mind, just like yesterday :D

Wooh! It's time to write something.

Hey guys,
I am finding a bit stressed staying away from my blog for sometime, and crave to write something. I  don't want to  be the usual drama queen again as my past few fictious blogs,  even I am getting bored and I can understand how you guys would feel.

So let me tell you,  this is gonna be the real me again, far away from all dramas and literature.  Of course this is gonna be cool as me ;)  and the dreamy romantic me!

So I am going through my new phase of life,  indeed it is.  Something that I never experienced till this age.  Everyone's surprised,  at the age to settle down this crazy girl has taken such a stupid move?  Yeah in their angle may be it's stupid. But the ones really knows me have faith in me and backed my decision.  So not of much suspenses here,  the step taken by me is to change the direction of my career and that too in a different place , different culture and leaving back my only real close ones behind.  But this is someone else 's explanation about my move. Coz my close ones knows what a hard step was that for me as there was nothing left in the usual path to reach my dreams. I haven't left anything or anyone behind which was close to my heart. That's me, they are still in my heart so safely locked in my special locker.

So now I m in a new place,  where I don't even know the language, but have hope that there is nothing in this world which is not feasible , even if I say this "not feasible " a lot of times to the weird business requirements :P  At first it was sort of dilemma and was feeling upset about the move .  At sometime I even thought I did make a wrong decision. But you know,  the one principle we have to keep in mind is, never regret for what we already did. There is some reason for everything that has happened. As the great words,  experiences makes a man.  So the first two weeks were terrible! Yes, it was.  I was getting upset and crying in the closed room at hotel back from work everyday!  I felt like I have come to a different planet and left back my whole world behind,  the world where my dear ones belongs.

After the second week my family was here and we had the busiest days settling down at my new place.  It was busy and happiest days after the long sorrowful days.  But when they left,  I could feel I am stepping back to my sad days again.  I dint show my pain in front of them,  but couldn't control the tears after shutting the door behind.  The whole night I thought about my life till this age and was constantly crying.  I missed every part of it.

The day after that, I woke up from my sleep with a fresh feeling, a decision in my mind, that I have to embrace this new life too. My life is nothing that should be wasted over thinking and I  know nothing has changed other than I being in a different place. And what's there in distance when we know true love resides in our heart. People who really want you would stick on you wherever you be,  whatever the situation be. I  am lucky enough to  have a bunch of such people in my life, whom I can count on when I  say "they won't leave me".

From then I feel excited about this new phase of my life and I m enjoying every single bit of it. Once these would be added as experience and memories in my diary.  That time I should have a ton of memories to pen down and I don't want to stare at myself thinking, what I was doing all those years there. 

The doll I love the most!

Anu is back from office after a very crazy hectic day. She longed for a sleep very much and did not feel like doing even her evening chores. She made some coffee, took some random sips and hit the bed cuddling her pillow. As she was about to catch her sleep, her thoughts distracted her and she is now thinking about her childhood memories. First she tried to push it far away, so that she could get some sleep. But then she went on thinking each and every moment of it. She started thinking about her childhood friend Reenu's doll which she still loves the most and misses a lot. She went on thinking about the doll which was her childhood crush.

"I always wonder, how lucky she is to have the doll which I love the most. We feel someone lucky if they have something which we desire the most. I peep into her cupboard and plays with it whenever I could. I was so much jealous of her having that. But my jealousy was not harmful, I have never done anything intentionally to hurt her, because I like her and don't want to see her hurt. I am someone who cannot see others tears, so even if I am hurt, I don't want to see tears on her eyes.

It was one a rainy day I got to see the doll in her arms. First I took it, played with it, as I do with my toys. But when she took it with her, I felt a pain in my heart, I felt like I miss the doll. Why has it captured me so much, which any other toy couldn't do. I am still unaware. I wished, I could have it with me all the time, but I knew that was impossible. How can you get others things, and I know I should not wish for someone else possessions. I felt a growing possessiveness towards it, again my odd thought isn't it? How can I be possessive to something which is not even my possession. I cried a lot everyday, missing it so much and knowing the hardest truth, that I wont get it. I wonder, why I love it so much. I tried to be away from it, but couldn't.

Days and years passed. I hoped to get over the intense desire about it, but I could only see the intensity growing.  I vowed to her in my heart, that I will never steel the doll from her cupboard anymore, because I feel very bad thinking about her, she totally unaware of my desire. I have accepted the fact and moved on. But my love towards the doll has never lessened. Its growing each day and I know that nothing else can make me happy like it.

I know, even the doll won't understand about my feelings towards it. But I gave a silent promise to the doll, that "I wont have any other doll so dear to me like you. You will always be my treasured doll in my heart, even if you can never be mine."

And I will keep that promise till my end!"

Anu fell asleep with eyes full, cuddling her pillow even tighter, who was always there to witness her tears.

**Girl**

I just woke up from my sleep and realized it was too late. May be because of the influence of my dream yesterday, I feel very emotional thinking about all those great girls, the women I know, and now I feel like writing something about them  As everyone says, a girl can only understand another girl, I suppose I would do justice to my post. Before starting, I would like to tell the guys, that I don't mean to offend you by any chance and I am sorry if you feel that way.

So I was wondering and thinking deeply about this creation; what all she goes through in her life, and yet being beautiful in all means. Girl the most beautiful gift by the God, this statement might have been very much familiar to you. Even though in some places it is treated as a curse, you would understand only when you have one in your life. The most beautiful creature, who uses her tears to wash away her worries and pains and do whatever for her loved ones. Only a girl can love you wholeheartedly even without having any expectations and her love is unconditional. She can silently love you from a distance, even after knowing that there is nothing she can expect in a relation and would get hurt herself to see her loved ones happy. She can smile with heart weeping, just to show her loved one that she is fine. She can't see the one she loves in pain.

Getting a girl in your life is always a blessing. A girl leaves her home, accepts her second home, and loves the people who were just strangers to her. She is an awesome piece of art, made so elegant and delicate, that is why men call them weak. But they don't know how much her heart is stronger than them. A man would need a girl when he is mentally drenched. The courage she gives is his next step to rise. Still she is considered weak, coz still the world is ruled by men who think, physical strength is what defines how strong you are (not everyone I would say). See how bold she is to accept a new family, and still loving her maternal home. Because girl loves emotionally, rather boys love physically. I wont say boys don't have emotional attachment, but it is more physical. Its not something to be blamed on, because that is the way god has created them. Once you have a wife, you would be more responsible for her than your parents. But with a girl, she doesn't lose the link to her parents, as her love is manyfold increased by giving away each time. She would keep every nuances of her loved ones, starting from the clothes they like, the food, the ambience, or whatever it be.  She can cook your favorite things, she can dress up like you want her to, she will always have the checklist with her on what all you like and dislike. May be much better than you, she will understand your mood. She can take you out from your brooding and make you feel alive.

You don't know what goes inside a girl when you hurt her. She doesn't weep in front of others whom she is not close with nor she closes a door and weep. She will take a moment out of her life, to let her heart skip a beat and pray to god to give her strength, to get over it. She cries over pains when she is alone, loudly so that her ears can hear her pain, and promises herself that she wont repeat this again. But she is an enigma, where she remembers everything in her life, but forgives so easily, that she wont stop loving even after getting hurt.  No girl would curse her once loved ones to go through bad times, even if she says that, the next moment she corrects it. If she is shouting at you or she is behaving differently, it is because of her frustration of not getting what she deserves. There are a lot of funny posts about girls, saying she is very expensive to manage. But the real girl wont ever be a burden to you, she builds her dynasty her own or supports you in building yours. She doesn't need much, a consoling word, a gentle kiss, an affectionate hug and an assurance that she is precious to you, which no diamond can buy. Those priceless gifts are what she actually wants.

It is a request to all men, please don't hurt the girl who loves you. You don't know how much you mean to her, the selfless devotion. You should stop the society in being cruel to her. You are responsible to take care of the girl/women, whoever it is, your mom, sister, wife, friend, daughter, coz the debt you have towards them cannot be paid by any means. There are lot they do for you, all the sacrifices for you, to see just the smiling face of yours!

Dreams :)

So this time I thought to go for a little literature as I am talking about Dreams. Its not the typical me at least in writing, who can literatify. My way of writing is to go scramble an egg and stuff a bread rather than to make a perfect omelette that would fit in a bread slice, even though my cooking style is sufficiently ordered. See now itself it turned the cooking way, which is alas there in blood and cannot stop the cooking language. So please expect lot of diversions from topic as I always do, this Libra just can't concentrate herself on something :P

For days now, my heart is pounding and popping out with ideas, telling me to write and she has lot to say this time about dreams. Seems she is restless and desperate to express her feelings about dreams to everyone out there. After all, she is the one going through all joys, pains, and madness of my dreams, so she needs attention and her words should be valued. 

This happened as usual late night, when I should be enjoying my nth level of sleep. I was staying back late to finish off my school assignments and it was already 2 30 in the night. But I couldn't sleep because of the noise my heart and mind were making. Now a days these guys are talking too much, giving me sleepless nights. May be because of the assignments, my lazy mind is awake after a long while and now became conscious to even slight pulses. So now when I started both of them are silent and doesn't have anything to say. They seem to be working on the plan for the next dream. So don't know how much I would be able to express as they not helping me, but anyway I have to continue.

My close ones says, I am a dreamy person, of course I am. But I will take that as an encouragement or appreciation as this so called dreams had brought me all this way. Also dreamy persons can only be romantic too :) Dream is that super power that has entered the life of everyone without they even knowing them. I don't know if animals dream. Some people says, dreams are those instincts in our life unfulfilled, that we look forward to experience. May be that is true for the naturally occurring ones, the ones deep buried in our sub conscious mind. But do you guys day dream? I know most of us do, and I would say I am an addicted one. Whenever I get a chance to take a sneak from real world I will slip into my day dreaming. 

Day dreaming keeps you happy in the sense, you will always have control of your topics. You are the master of your day dream and the control is all yours. You can twist the story the way you want to be. The most beautiful thing I have experienced is we can make our characters act the way we like in our dream ;) which we usually can't experience in real world :P We will always have a happy ending for our dreams. I have experienced lot of times standing in a crowd and laughing, not even knowing the surroundings. Don't feel embarrassed about it, its our life we can take the way we want. When I talk about this, the song "Masakali" came to my mind, yes we should take our life that way. Why bother about others. But make sure your day dream doesn't have anything menace, or else you would end up harming the ones beside you ;)

One more good reason to it is, people say the thing we see the most in our dreams is something like our destiny. It is our will, the greatest ambition. I remember a quote from Alchemist now. "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it", and I guess if we have a strong will to get something, you would eventually get it and then it becomes your destiny. The story talks about dreams and how the person is finally reaching, where he always always wanted to be.

Dreams are also associated with love and romance. Exactly, when there is true love in your mind, you will try to become better each day. Every dream is resemblance of love and when we say love, it is not only the one between lovers. The aspire to live each day and each wish is because you love yourself and you want to give the best for you, which can strive you to the next dream and more and more. It is a joy to watch us in dream, getting everything we want again and again and in the way we want our life to be. It is so satisfying until we get it in reality. 

So I just wanted to convey how beautiful dreams are, to my friends who don't day dream. Hoping that this would have an influence on your lives too and start dreaming the next moment you are done with my post :D. I am stopping now, my heart came knocking back with her another adventure. Every day she would have something like this coming up and finally I have to run behind each of them to fulfill. Ha, isse kehte hai, "Lakh sambalo paagal dil ko dil dhadke hi jaye" :D So I am gonna lay back now and slip into my day dream again. See you guys later.

Ghosts?

Do you believe in Ghosts? I don't. But when I say I don't, I feel like looking back to check nothing is there, haha. So this is about a boy who tells us Ghost stories and his Ghost associates.

We call him Joe, with love our Joe mon :P So just to give an intro about him, he is my team mate and 2 years back he joined my team, then he was a silent, calm guy sitting in a corner and laughing for any jokes we say. It was on a team outing I came to know about him better. Till then he was all introvert not being in the gang, but that day we have seen a new Joe, when he came playing with us beach volley (I don't think its beach volley, we were playing with a ball on the beach). He was really enthusiastic, but what made us friends was the hit he gave with the ball on my head. I was shocked first, thinking about my contact lenses would have gone out of place, but burst out laughing when I saw his face. That time others pulled his leg saying, "Swathy will give you the toughest service in next release for this". And then it did happen, next release and the toughest service :P and I believe he still wants to payback me :D

So after a while, he was gone from my team and back last February. The second entry was quite surprising, the old calm boy has now turned mischievous :) I guess mostly because of team being small and having other mischievous fellaws in team now. They knows whom I meant ;)

Let's get into his ghost stories now. The first time he could experience a ghost was when he was in his school days in Ooty. I could imagine the real passionate craziness of a school kid to pluck carrots in the midnight :P

The night was dark, poor Joe and his friend went out their room in the chilling air, to pluck carrots :P They were plucking carrots and suddenly they heard a noise. Poor Joe was frightened and looked towards the noise. Suddenly he saw 2 red eyes glittering in the night, staring at him. Joe couldn't remember anything else, finally when he opened his eyes he was sleeping on his bed at hostel room. Don't think that ghost has carried him to the hostel bed. Its Joe's policy which has not changed from the time being a kid to now, "If I see something, I will run away. I wont even look for anyone who was with me for the adventure" ;) This is his master dialog, to be quoted frequently :)

This was his master dialog again, when I asked him his company to do an adventure in a nearby haunted place. Its near our park and its famous too. So two of us had a real passion to go and watch the place, not as challenge, but just to see the place. But how can I trust such a company, who said as soon as I asked, that he will run away not even caring about me and he will come back with more people to take away my dead body.

So there are lot of stories, but I don't recollect the correct sequence now and also a single blog is not enough to pen down everything he shared, so I am moving to the latest one. Now he thinks he is living with a ghost at his place. One day when he was all alone, at around 2 AM in night, he was watching something in his laptop and he felt a sudden movement passing by his side and the light he switched on was switched off by someone. The day after he came to office, and seemed very anxious and was explaining this to us. One of his other roommates also said, that he also experienced such things in the flat. We really felt very sorry about it, thinking that poor Joe is going through such a bad time, living with a ghost!

Then we got to know the real story. His other roommate has given evidences and the way things happens during that time. Finally we found that this Ghost has come one day and moved towards Joe's room, and vanished. After that he has never seen the ghost again. So researches says that, after the ghost entered Joe's room, she is stuck somewhere there and she would be locked in the room itself that she couldn't escape. Now Joe's roommate says, he used to hear screaming from Joe's room at night "bachao bachao, please someone help me escape from here ;)", and he thinks its the ghost crying to help her to escape from his room.

Joe : Ghost engil ghost, ninne vidan njan udeshichitilla (sarcastic smiley).

So now we feel so sorry for the ghost, thinking when she will get released from him. We pray that no Ghost should go through such a damn thing in her life, for wandering in the night ;)

So Joe, after reading this, please don't kill me. I have a disclaimer included, that will save you ;)

Disclaimer: All characters are fictitious and does not resemble anyone. I have just used a name for my character and if you feel any resemblance its purely non sense :P